Logic

Logic

A redneck goes to a college counselor to decide what courses he should take as an incoming freshman. The counselor says the guy should take English, Math and Logic. The redneck says, "What's Logic?"

The professor says, "Let me give you an example. Do you like to fish?"
"Yeah."
"Since you like to fish, I can assume you have a boat."
"Yep."
"Since you have a boat, I assume you have a garage to keep it in."
"Yep."
"And since you have a garage, I assume you have a house attached to it."
"Yep."
"And since you have a house, I assume you have a family."
"Yep."
"And since you have a family, I assume you have a wife."
"Yep, Emma Sue!"
"And since you have a wife, I assume you're heterosexual."
"Ayup. I'd love to take Logic!"

So later that night, the redneck is in a bar having beers with a buddy, who asks "How did the college thing go?" The redneck says "I'm a-gonna take English and Math and Logic." The friend asks, "What's logic?"

The redneck says, "Lemme give you an example. Do you like to fish?"
"No."
"You're queer, ain't ya?"

Phone Lines

Phone Lines

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"
"Yeah, I''ve come to activate your phone lines."

I used to do care work

I used to do care work
working in a flat with 5 adults all of whom were deafblind with learning disabilties and doubly incontinent. 3 of them had faecal attraction and liked to apply H block factor sunscreen. Often one would stuff as much into their gob as possible necessitating removal with fingers or the special toothbrush kept for such occasions.
A personal favourite was a gentlemen of indolent nature who would spice up his lavatorial visits by crapping on his fingers then using it as a lube to wank with.

Yes, sometimes to completion.